November 27, 2014
I find it almost hard to put into words how grateful I feel right now. For the life I have right now. The family I can always count on. I love them so much. The friends I can rely on and laugh with and create new things with. The city that I live in that constantly keeps me inspired and in an endless state of admiration. The places I have visited. Knowing all the places that I know I will be able to finally visit someday. Being able to dream at night and wake up in the morning knowing that it doesn’t just have to be a dream. The freedom to express myself however way I feel resonates with me. And to not feel judged doing so. Grateful for the food I eat. The pillow beneath my head. The water I drink. And the coffee I get to have each and every morning. The water running underneath my feet when I go home to California. The feeling of well worn toes at the end of an early evening stroll from Upper Manhattan to Lower Manhattan (it hurts but man does it feel just as good at the same time). Making my own work hours (a.k.a working 24/7 or taking a random Tuesday off if I really want to) and still being able to fully support myself in this crazy city. The frogs I’ve kissed that are taking me closer to my prince. The love and appreciation I have come to have for my body, mind and soul. Coming to terms that I am a much more spiritual person than I am religious person, and not being scared to mask that. The beating of my physical heart. The twisting of my broken heart. The flutters of my happy heart. I am thankful that I am able to feel and learn from each emotion at its fullest.
So many ups and down. Not really sure if they have quite balanced themselves out yet, but I have come to realize that one can’t have one without the either. Every high we experience is elevated by a low. So I have come to be thankful for those lows, even though they have been heart wrenchingly painful and even extra depressing. The times that I would spend nights in a row crying and crying until I could not cry anymore. The times that I stopped eating because it was the only thing that could make me feel in control. The times that I felt that running away was the only possibility even though I had no idea where I would go. Because these lows have made me stronger and have opened my eyes to what is out there that is better and sunnier. That it is up to me to make things better and to live the life that I have always wanted for myself and for the people I choose to be a part of my life. To be open to the things that are good with clear eyes. I have recognized all these things. And for that I am grateful. Grateful that I have learned to brush myself off after I have fallen and to not let any bruise stay on me forever.
Happy Thanksgiving all you lovely people. I hope you all recognize the things that make you happy in your life and grasp onto them as tightly as you can. Let it flourish. Be grateful for them. xo