Everybody is talking about that feeling of gaining that first spring back into one’s step around this time of the year. When the weather shifts, and all of a sudden hope seems to be popping up out of every hidden corner. The sun, the warmth, a feeling of something brand new even more new than the other brand new that we thought we just had. The energy changes and all of a sudden we are shaken up in a way different than when we were ringing in the new year with expectations of all sorts just two months ago. Was it really only two months ago?! And now here we are, spring around the corner, and some of those expectations may or may not have fallen even lower. But for some reason, at least for me, right now in between seasons of a desolate winter and an approachable spring, there seems to be no reason to skip a step or lose a beat. My experiences and the happenings of the past two months of my life I have found were never predictors of my future. Because I know and believe that things can change in an instant, for both the good and for the bad. So instead I looked at the last two months in a way that showed me a taste of what could or could not come . . . bits and pieces of an entire spectrum of possibilities (some that maybe I did not even think of before or never felt like I could ever be ready for). It’s easy in today’s day and age of competition and distractions and frustrations and road blocks and self consciousness, to turn a blind eye to the possibilities that seem impossible. In a way, turning a blind eye to these things is like turning what feels invisible even more invisible. Throwing them away as if not an ounce of life could thrust forth from within them. I think I knew I have finally become an adult when I stopped throwing the idea of these sort of possibilities away. The impossible sort of possibilities, if that makes sense. And as I held onto them longer, the stronger I started to feel. Happier, like the marigold color of this jacket I’m wearing in this post. And now here I go again, turning the color of my clothes into a real life feeling. Holding onto bits of sunshine and comparing it to something like looking hope right in the face and handing myself right over to it, and saying whatever it all is that is meant to cross my path, I’ll be ready. I’ll be ready for what shows up on my doorstep. And I’ll be ready for what doesn’t show up at all. And like that, no longer do I feel like a prisoner to old expectations.
It seemed impossible to continue to keep on falling for a man from thousands of miles away, but still my heart has never beaten faster and I can’t image that happening for me with anyone else. It seemed impossible a year ago that true friends who really got my back could exist in this cutthroat industry (not to mention city), but that was only because I kept letting the one’s who made me feel down around too long. I may count my closest friends on only one hand and maybe an extra thumb nowadays, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It seemed impossible to feel fresh and renewed at the age of 29 after years of the daily grind, but today I’ve never felt my best. It’s like just yesterday I was 18. Tomorrow, maybe I’ll be 17. It’s easy to feel young when living doesn’t feel like a 9-5 job. I was looking into making my first home purchase on a whim a few weeks ago, stressed and forced because of lack of time, only to lose out on it. Will it ever be possible to get such a deal again? Should I have fought for that harder? But deep down inside I know with all my heart that something better for me is meant to come along. And so it is absolutely possible to have no regrets. Because something new is always waiting on the other side. As long as you see it that way.
And so here I go, wearing my FEELS in the form of a marigold coat that makes me feel as full of worth as gold, a sunshine yellow dress with a fit that reminds me why being a woman is incomparable to anything else, and a fuschia pink top just for the heck of it to represent my love for hope and the possibility of love itself in every sort of situation (and to not freeze to death on the streets of NYC even though both this top and coat together are actually not really cutting it AT ALL . . . but hey it was fashion week).
Talk soon lovers.
Fashion, NYFW, Outfits, style, Writing