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No Such Thing As Could Not

August 21, 2017


& Other Stories dress and jacket
Pedro Garcia shoes

I’m giggling a little bit looking at these photos. My face half covered with hair in most. Something I was prone to doing quite a lot as a kid and teenager. My mom used to call me the “one-eyed-jack” because I always had my hair in my face, partially obstructing my vision. No I wasn’t really an “emo” kid. Maybe just sometimes. Mostly, it had to do with my own insecurity issues. I felt safer when I could hide behind my hair. Hidden from the world in a way, whenever I felt like I wanted to. It was a security blanket for me at the time. A little introvert’s nest. It had a lot to do with my shyness when I was young, and my insecurity with the way I looked. I always stood out for being too tall, too skinny and too ethnically ambiguous. Most days my nose felt too big, my face too chubby, my teeth too obnoxiously standout in braces, my breasts too flat, my knees too gangly. I have distinct memories of one terrorizing male classmate in elementary school who wouldn’t go a day without reminding me of the way I looked. I would be the butt of his jokes. To him, ethnic background was a problem. I was funny because I looked Asian. Even though I knew he was wrong for saying the things he said to me, in front of classmates even, I couldn’t help but feel hurt and embarrassed and wishing I was someone else.

At a young age, I experienced racism and bullying. A lot of my feelings back then were kept hidden inside of me because of my shyness. But today, it’s a different story. Today those experiences still stick with me, but instead of blocking them out, I am grateful that because of them I learned to never act or feel the way that my one classmate did to me all those years ago. Instead, my hurt of the past turned into an understanding greater and far more beyond just myself. It’s an understanding that has allowed me to make progress one day at a time towards being a better human being . . . without mind to my race, my gender and whatever it is that makes me . . . me. Whether others like it or not? That should never be question. Sadly today, that question still has a mixed grey cloud hanging over it. The world has a lot of work to do when it comes to accepting what is different on the inside and outside, and I am so chilled by what I see on the news everyday about the narrow minded, twisted hate many are trying to spread. It blows my mind. 

As for me in this moment, there is still so much of that little girl in the classroom who would get made fun of by the boys because I was tall and actually good at playing basketball. The issue was that I was not just good, but that I was better than they were. And so the only other alternative they had to playing and losing against me, was to be make fun of what I could do, as opposed to what I could not do. There is so much of this happening today in our world on a much greater level, but it all comes back to the basketball court. Really, if you think about it, it’s all about how you change the game. Spreading that game changer is the biggest positive influence there is. And that is why I share with you guys my story. I share my story knowing that insecurities still lie within me, and especially so with being so public with my life online. Even my darker than usual hair right now is taking some getting used to, and can put me in a self-conscious mood on a whim while at other times I love it. I still hide behind my hair at times and my inner introvert is always there waiting to dive into a writing session for hours. But then there are days I feel like I can wear a bright red denim jacket and accomplish anything. But these are the things that make me me. The greatest accomplishment I’ve ever made was to let go of what others said I could or could not do, could or could not say, could or could not be, or could or could not love.  

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Let the Skirt do the Talking

August 14, 2017


VEDA skirt
Few Moda top
Senso shoes

I’m letting the skirt do the talking because I’m far too busy at the moment to take on the task. But hey hey . . . you are looking at a brand new resident of Dumbo! All moved in. Partially unpacked. Still soooooo much to do to make my place feel like home. The adventure begins now. Because of the craziness of so-called-life, I’ve been drawn towards simpler outfitting. Mostly because my mind is elsewhere, partially to save time, and always to feel chic. On this morning in particular, I was late running to a 9:30am meeting in Soho. I had no time to do my hair, or apply anything more than a swipe of eyeliner. It was pouring rain, the most torrential that I have seen in months, and I forgot an umbrella, of course. I got SOAKED running a few blocks to the corner deli to get an umbrella, which happened to be broken. It did nothing for me against the rain. BUT thankfully I dried right on time, and ended up not looking like the hottest of messes for my meeting. The one great thing about taking the L train from Bushwick was how the commute time translated into drying time. haha. I’ll be better prepared next time. 

Back to the clothes. Basics with a twist. A denim mini skirt in two-tone blue. A button front menswear top with exaggerated sleeves. Penny loafers with a slingback. These are the pieces I see myself wearing the most this upcoming fall. Rain or shine. Hope you all have a wonderful week. Now that I’m closer to getting settled in my new place, I’ll have lots to share very soon!

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Another Twist on the Suit

August 8, 2017


Old Navy blazer
Zara bandeau
Ace & Jig pants
Dear Frances mules
Bally purse

And my unconventional suit obsession continues. This blazer in particular being the culprit of it all. In this particular situation, these bohemian meets pajama-esque pants take to the London city streets in a whole new way. A simple belt, sexy bandeau (thanks Zara sale!) and boyish blazer. Ta-daaahhhh. How is it that as time goes one, I keep leaning towards the pants in most situations? Even when its something fancy I have to go to, I prefer to wear the pants. haha. That is such a political thing now. Women wearing the pants. It goes much farther than a fashion statement. It’s about equality. It’s about independent women. It’s about a woman who can do a job just as good as, or even better than, a man. Even when it comes to relationships in this modern day and age, women are less and less afraid of being the one wearing the pants in the relationship. I sure as heck want my man to wear pants, but I also don’t mind being the one to wear them at the same time . . . it’s all about that balance. It’s all about that freedom to say and do what we mean. In the 80’s, women were all about the shoulder pads and the loud eyeshadow and the power suits and the big hair . . . they were really coming onto something great. A style and look that today has been reinterpreted physically (much easier on the eyes now), but containing of a foundation that still rings true . . . the fact that women cannot be ignored. Today we don’t need as much eye makeup thank goodness to obtain that, but we still have a lot of work to do. I mean look at who is wearing the presidential pants of our country. But we can all start by manning up and wear the pants in our own ways today. The world needs as much confidence and strength as we can right now to make it to where we got to be. Like I just said, the pants are much less about a fashion statement. It’s more about the strides they allow us to take to get to where we all need and deserve to be. But looking good on our way there, well that definitely still counts in my book.

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