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No Such Thing As Could Not

August 21, 2017


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& Other Stories dress and jacket
Pedro Garcia shoes
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I’m giggling a little bit looking at these photos. My face half covered with hair in most. Something I was prone to doing quite a lot as a kid and teenager. My mom used to call me the “one-eyed-jack” because I always had my hair in my face, partially obstructing my vision. No I wasn’t really an “emo” kid. Maybe just sometimes. Mostly, it had to do with my own insecurity issues. I felt safer when I could hide behind my hair. Hidden from the world in a way, whenever I felt like I wanted to. It was a security blanket for me at the time. A little introvert’s nest. It had a lot to do with my shyness when I was young, and my insecurity with the way I looked. I always stood out for being too tall, too skinny and too ethnically ambiguous. Most days my nose felt too big, my face too chubby, my teeth too obnoxiously standout in braces, my breasts too flat, my knees too gangly. I have distinct memories of one terrorizing male classmate in elementary school who wouldn’t go a day without reminding me of the way I looked. I would be the butt of his jokes. To him, ethnic background was a problem. I was funny because I looked Asian. Even though I knew he was wrong for saying the things he said to me, in front of classmates even, I couldn’t help but feel hurt and embarrassed and wishing I was someone else.

At a young age, I experienced racism and bullying. A lot of my feelings back then were kept hidden inside of me because of my shyness. But today, it’s a different story. Today those experiences still stick with me, but instead of blocking them out, I am grateful that because of them I learned to never act or feel the way that my one classmate did to me all those years ago. Instead, my hurt of the past turned into an understanding greater and far more beyond just myself. It’s an understanding that has allowed me to make progress one day at a time towards being a better human being . . . without mind to my race, my gender and whatever it is that makes me . . . me. Whether others like it or not? That should never be question. Sadly today, that question still has a mixed grey cloud hanging over it. The world has a lot of work to do when it comes to accepting what is different on the inside and outside, and I am so chilled by what I see on the news everyday about the narrow minded, twisted hate many are trying to spread. It blows my mind. 

As for me in this moment, there is still so much of that little girl in the classroom who would get made fun of by the boys because I was tall and actually good at playing basketball. The issue was that I was not just good, but that I was better than they were. And so the only other alternative they had to playing and losing against me, was to be make fun of what I could do, as opposed to what I could not do. There is so much of this happening today in our world on a much greater level, but it all comes back to the basketball court. Really, if you think about it, it’s all about how you change the game. Spreading that game changer is the biggest positive influence there is. And that is why I share with you guys my story. I share my story knowing that insecurities still lie within me, and especially so with being so public with my life online. Even my darker than usual hair right now is taking some getting used to, and can put me in a self-conscious mood on a whim while at other times I love it. I still hide behind my hair at times and my inner introvert is always there waiting to dive into a writing session for hours. But then there are days I feel like I can wear a bright red denim jacket and accomplish anything. But these are the things that make me me. The greatest accomplishment I’ve ever made was to let go of what others said I could or could not do, could or could not say, could or could not be, or could or could not love.  

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Decluttering Mind and Space

May 5, 2017

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AG Jeans dress
Sezane blouse
Tarin Thomas earrings from Tictail
Salvatore Ferragamo purse
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Decluttering mind and space. What a great topic for a rainy day in NYC. Sounds simple . . . like taking out the trash, but in fact it is not a simple act at all. That being said, taking out the trash is actually a struggle when I’m rushing out the door and it happens to be one of the five things I forget to do before leaving house. And so what happens once I’m out the front door and down the steps to the sidewalk? I remember it. But what do I do? Nothing. I leave the trash in my apartment. Saving it for later. For next time. And on my way I go. Only to possible forget the next time. And that’s the worst thing. Trash lingering around for far too long of a time. A goal of mine this year is to not let trash linger. And when I speak of trash, I don’t mean just in a literal sense, but mentally, as well. The smell of rotten bananas is just as bad as overly cluttered thoughts that leave us stressed and lacking of sleep. The physical trash can be blamed on laziness. But what can we blame for the clutter in our heads? Of course, everyone is different . . . our personalities, our experiences, the people that we cross paths with and who influence us. They all play a role in what goes on in our minds. And they play a very beautiful, fulfilling role. But then there are things that do the opposite.

Single out those things that keep your mind spinning on the regular, but not in a good way. These things can change on the daily. It can be a bad day at work. A fight with your partner. Stress on your back from sitting or standing too long. Broken pipes your landlord never gets around to fixing. A friendship that seems one sided. An encounter that left you a bit unsettled. A financial bust from the past that you seem to not be able to fully get over or recover from. Write them down along with a few words on how they make you feel and why. Keep doing this daily, and soon you will see a pattern. Which things keep occurring the most? And there you go, you have a target. Basically, that target is the trash bin outside, where you dump the trash from your apartment in. haha. Ok, I guess that makes it seem simple. Just kidding. Really, it takes time to get rid of these things (people and memories) that bring you a negative sort of energy that trickles into your sleep cycles and ups your stress levels. The first thing is to realize it, pinpoint it and take action. And most of all, don’t be afraid to let go of the rotten bananas. Love my comparisons?? Don’t worry, that action can be a slow process, just as long as it keeps you moving forward and away from the energy that keeps you down, tossing and turning at night, and over analyzing your every interaction. I mean, come on, look how long it takes for me to remember to take my trash out. Slow and steady. For me, writing helps me clear my mind, put things into perspective and gives me time to myself to reflect on the things that bother me. And it’s funny, as soon as my mind seems more clear and refreshed, my trash keeps getting taken out on time. Then all of a sudden, I go on a purging spree in my home. Out with the things that don’t bring me joy, or that have no meaning or use. The tangible, and the untangible . . . they can be treated in the same way many times. Give it a try, you’ll see what I mean πŸ™‚

So, to stay on topic, I present this all white ensemble featuring my new favorite dress of the season by AG Jeans . . . the white denim dress. Clear mind, clean space, clean dress. 

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Texan Sweetheart . . . Not

April 10, 2017

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Ulla Johnson overall dress
Moussy mesh top
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These photos were taken in Austin, Texas during SXSW last month. I’m definitely not Texan, but many would say that I am a sweetheart, even though I like to deny even that. My boyfriend says I’m the sweetest, but that’s because he’s my boyfriend. I  believe that I am kind hearted, but I also believe that the city has given me a slightly more tough exterior. Not in a bad way, of course, but how so you ask? A tougher exterior meaning that I have learned to cut out the crap for the sake of my sanity and wellbeing. Sometimes the blogging world, from an outsider’s perspective, and even from within the worlds built up in our heads about what we do, can seem too much like a pretty picture. It’s easy to be trick ourselves into thinking that the little grid on our phones is the most important thing in the wold. It’s not. And it’s definitely now all pretty, like the pattern of this Ulla Johnson overall dress featured here. But, of course, a lot of it is just as sweet as it seems. And, I’ll take as much of the highs of this industry as I can get, like any normal person looking to live fully and passionately would do. But as easy that it seems like the good can roll right in exactly when we need it, the harder parts play a major roll all the same. The world of a blogger, it can sometimes seem like a chase, even when you work as hard as you can to make it feel anything but that. But chasing what? And that’s exactly where I’m getting at. I get a lot of questions on how one can motivate themselves to carve a career out of their blogs at a time where the space is so oversaturated to the point that it seems nearly impossible to stick out. I also get questions on how to maintain a strong sense of self throughout it all, and without losing genuinity and passion. 

Let me give you an example. Taking photos is one huge part of being a fashion blogger. Not just taking photos, but taking ones of yourself. Styling yourself, posing yourself, editing yourself, posting yourself. It’s a lot. It’s definitely a fun, creative part of the job, but it can also be one of the most exhausting parts. There are in fact days where I literally get sick of looking at myself on social media. That is why I am a big believer in social media detoxes. As well as remembering to never take myself too seriously when it comes down to the nitty gritty of what my life as a blogger entails. If I am looking at every detail, every speck, of every photo that goes up on my Instagram . . . every accidentally loose hair, every lazy eye, every crinkle in my shirt, every pimple on my chin . . . when the over analyzation starts to overtake my world, that’s when I know to take a step back, regroup and come back with a fresh perspective. And that new perspective, that’s just the point of this post; that there is no such thing as total perfection. Nothing can ever match up as seamlessly as it does in our heads. And why would we want it to? Appreciating the fact that imperfection IS beauty, is a really important step in keeping oneself motivated to keep going, to keep posting, to keep sharing. But not just sharing in general, but sharing what is REAL. That’s the key to finding one’s true voice in the social media realm, where there seems to be a lot of the same nowadays, and that’s your ticket to success. It’s the best place to start for newcomers to the realm.

Maintaining a strong sense of self? It’s not the easiest task in this world. But it for sure is possible. Compare. That’s the word. And you know what? DON’T DO IT! It’s an ego burner. A belittler. And one of the greatest ways to feel lost in a sea of what you apparently should or should not be. It’s great to take inspiration from others you admire, but there’s a huge difference between admiration and comparison. One takes and instills growth. The other steals and decreases confidence. My rules have always included: finding focus on the things you love, paying attention to the true drivers of your personal style and not trying to change things for the sake of what is trendy. For me, there’s no such thing as trendy. As long as you have the confidence to rock it, go for it. I appreciate it when I see bloggers doing their own thing separate from the pack. It stands out to me, and thats when I keep coming back for more. We don’t need anymore of what is already out there. 

So, as you can tell . . . it takes a lot of guts to be a fashion blogger. To stick up for yourself, to believe in your aesthetic and point of view, and to do it all in front of thousands of eyes, most of whom will judge you first purely on what you look like and how many likes you get. It’s frustrating, and can be a place very far from sweet. No sign of a Texan sweetheart around this joint! But at the exact same time, all the amount of positive ways we can influence via social media, be it through creative direction, words, graphics, color schemes, is reason enough to be motivated to keep going. Most importantly, be a positive influence not only to your readers, but also to yourself πŸ™‚ And to think, this post was kicked into action by this Ulla Johnson overall dress. See, fashion inspires in the most interesting of ways πŸ˜‰

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Setting Sights with a Purpose

March 9, 2017

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Rebecca Taylor sweater
Jocelyn Fur jacket
Alice & Olivia pants
Timberland sneakers
Brother Vellies fur purse
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Since day one, I’ve always ran this blog with a purpose. Many purposes as a matter of fact. One of them was to find a way to allow my creativity to run its course in the best way that it could. Another was to help me find focus in terms of my strengths (and the areas that I wanted to make even stronger) in styling, writing and creative direction. But what I can sometimes say that I love even more than creating is sharing . . . to inspire others . . . to bond over similar ideas, motivations and thought processes. What I found through blogging was a path towards finding my uniqueness and my originality. These were the two most important things that I learned that I should never try to erase for the sake of fitting in on this so-called digital realm. As a matter of fact, these were the exact things that helped me stick out. It’s funny, because on the day-to-day, we never really think about the things that set us a part. We spend so much time just trying to get our jobs done, we forget why the individual aspect of what we do is so important. Why sometimes people can be said to have a calling to do what they do, because for them nothing else makes sense. And they don’t even have to know exactly why that is true. That doing what we do, and why we do it, can be the most special thing of all. And these special sort of things are meant to be shared, on different levels of course (some more personal than others), but shared nonetheless because someway, somehow, it will make a difference for somewhere out there. Even if that is just one person. 

We just came out of a publicized (and very, very digital) celebration of International Women’s Day. But of course, every single day, and especially so in the past few years, has continuously felt as special as yesterday did. In a way, each day kept leading up to the next one in the most powerful way. Over and over again. As I grew older, my realization of my strengths and emotions grew stronger. Everyday I wanted more. I expected more out of myself. And with this sort of in-tune with oneself perspective, there is no real end goal. The process is endless and relentless. It’s a continuous sort of growth that never stops. Much like the growth of support amongst the women in this world who are coming forward strong and speaking loud and clear. We as woman know what we want and the way to get what we want. It’s hard not to listen to us for we are so great in numbers and our actions speak tenfold. And we never can stop even when what we say or do seems to go in one ear and out the other of the patriarchy that we see ourselves as equals of (even if they don’t make us feel that way most of the time). We’ll show them the ways we are that they don’t make us feel, and we’ll show them that we are worth every damn cent put into us. And we’ll never stop doing what we love, even when people make it harder for us to do so every single day. 

So now I just want to get to what I originally wanted to say about setting sights with a purpose. To spread love and support and creativity on this online realm is one of the most important things to me right now. To surround myself with women of passion even if I just admire them from afar, my sister, my mother, thoughtful and likeminded women I meet unexpectedly, the few fellow bloggers who have become some of my best friends even from across the world, the one’s who were inspired to reach for their dreams by visiting my site and spreading their vision in their own ways. These are the kinds of women in our lives we should be thinking about and supporting and letting them know how we feel. We as women need to stop comparing each other and scrutinizing to the point where walls are built up between us. These kind of walls just make us weaker. Instead how about we create a unified wall together? The Women’s Marches are a perfect example of that. Not how about we take that mindset and infuse it into our daily, personal relationships? How much we drive each other positively is so important to the future of our success, not just as individuals, but as a part of the human race. Keep note on the daily, even on days that seem to not be going exactly as planned, to never give up on pursuing life thoughtfully, substantially, passionately and genuinely. And that goes for every relationship. Cutting out the bad to make room for all the good. Cheers to all the women, and especially my sister Natalie who sticks with me even on the most tough and annoying of days, who remind me to keep my head up and my back straight. 

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