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Red is Not Dead

November 27, 2017


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Rebecca Taylor sweater
Seafarer suede pants
River Island boots
Liebeskind backpack
2 Bandits earrings
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I’m all about dressing like a confident woman more than ever now. I don’t know exactly what it is. Hitting 30 recently, I am in fact, officially a woman now. And creatively, I feel like my vision has come together into one that I trust deep down in my gut. It’s a feeling that I’ve strived to have when I was younger time and time again, but never fully reached it. I feel like I’ve finally come to a place where I’m extremely happy about where I am, where my strengths lay. Even the unknowns of the future keep me on the tips of my toes, and that lights a fire that isn’t one that is daunting and scary, but more freeing in a sense. A freedom of being open to the fact that I will be able to handle whatever comes my way in the years ahead with maturity and clear mindedness and a red hot passion. The color red is of course significant in this post. It’s less about the clothes and more about the feeling. It’s a color of desire, and man do I desire so many things in life. But at the same time, I am totally okay with the fact that I may never have them all. I’m more okay with knowing that what I do have is actually the greatest of them all. That’s what I wanted to get to here in this post. That desire to wrap your arms around what is exactly in front of you. No matter what shape or size or manner it comes in. The present has the greatest worth of all, so don’t leave it behind to quickly for the next thing. And now, I’m giving life back into my suede red pants because they make me feel like a confident woman. They shed light on my height, which I used to hunch over to hide. It took me years to start feeling like a bold, confident person. And here I am, so much closer to what I’ve dreamed of becoming that I ever thought I could be before. And because of that, I wear red. 

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Bathroom Cabinet Edition

September 4, 2017
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No Such Thing As Could Not

August 21, 2017


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& Other Stories dress and jacket
Pedro Garcia shoes
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I’m giggling a little bit looking at these photos. My face half covered with hair in most. Something I was prone to doing quite a lot as a kid and teenager. My mom used to call me the “one-eyed-jack” because I always had my hair in my face, partially obstructing my vision. No I wasn’t really an “emo” kid. Maybe just sometimes. Mostly, it had to do with my own insecurity issues. I felt safer when I could hide behind my hair. Hidden from the world in a way, whenever I felt like I wanted to. It was a security blanket for me at the time. A little introvert’s nest. It had a lot to do with my shyness when I was young, and my insecurity with the way I looked. I always stood out for being too tall, too skinny and too ethnically ambiguous. Most days my nose felt too big, my face too chubby, my teeth too obnoxiously standout in braces, my breasts too flat, my knees too gangly. I have distinct memories of one terrorizing male classmate in elementary school who wouldn’t go a day without reminding me of the way I looked. I would be the butt of his jokes. To him, ethnic background was a problem. I was funny because I looked Asian. Even though I knew he was wrong for saying the things he said to me, in front of classmates even, I couldn’t help but feel hurt and embarrassed and wishing I was someone else.

At a young age, I experienced racism and bullying. A lot of my feelings back then were kept hidden inside of me because of my shyness. But today, it’s a different story. Today those experiences still stick with me, but instead of blocking them out, I am grateful that because of them I learned to never act or feel the way that my one classmate did to me all those years ago. Instead, my hurt of the past turned into an understanding greater and far more beyond just myself. It’s an understanding that has allowed me to make progress one day at a time towards being a better human being . . . without mind to my race, my gender and whatever it is that makes me . . . me. Whether others like it or not? That should never be question. Sadly today, that question still has a mixed grey cloud hanging over it. The world has a lot of work to do when it comes to accepting what is different on the inside and outside, and I am so chilled by what I see on the news everyday about the narrow minded, twisted hate many are trying to spread. It blows my mind. 

As for me in this moment, there is still so much of that little girl in the classroom who would get made fun of by the boys because I was tall and actually good at playing basketball. The issue was that I was not just good, but that I was better than they were. And so the only other alternative they had to playing and losing against me, was to be make fun of what I could do, as opposed to what I could not do. There is so much of this happening today in our world on a much greater level, but it all comes back to the basketball court. Really, if you think about it, it’s all about how you change the game. Spreading that game changer is the biggest positive influence there is. And that is why I share with you guys my story. I share my story knowing that insecurities still lie within me, and especially so with being so public with my life online. Even my darker than usual hair right now is taking some getting used to, and can put me in a self-conscious mood on a whim while at other times I love it. I still hide behind my hair at times and my inner introvert is always there waiting to dive into a writing session for hours. But then there are days I feel like I can wear a bright red denim jacket and accomplish anything. But these are the things that make me me. The greatest accomplishment I’ve ever made was to let go of what others said I could or could not do, could or could not say, could or could not be, or could or could not love.  

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Decluttering Mind and Space

May 5, 2017

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AG Jeans dress
Sezane blouse
Tarin Thomas earrings from Tictail
Salvatore Ferragamo purse
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Decluttering mind and space. What a great topic for a rainy day in NYC. Sounds simple . . . like taking out the trash, but in fact it is not a simple act at all. That being said, taking out the trash is actually a struggle when I’m rushing out the door and it happens to be one of the five things I forget to do before leaving house. And so what happens once I’m out the front door and down the steps to the sidewalk? I remember it. But what do I do? Nothing. I leave the trash in my apartment. Saving it for later. For next time. And on my way I go. Only to possible forget the next time. And that’s the worst thing. Trash lingering around for far too long of a time. A goal of mine this year is to not let trash linger. And when I speak of trash, I don’t mean just in a literal sense, but mentally, as well. The smell of rotten bananas is just as bad as overly cluttered thoughts that leave us stressed and lacking of sleep. The physical trash can be blamed on laziness. But what can we blame for the clutter in our heads? Of course, everyone is different . . . our personalities, our experiences, the people that we cross paths with and who influence us. They all play a role in what goes on in our minds. And they play a very beautiful, fulfilling role. But then there are things that do the opposite.

Single out those things that keep your mind spinning on the regular, but not in a good way. These things can change on the daily. It can be a bad day at work. A fight with your partner. Stress on your back from sitting or standing too long. Broken pipes your landlord never gets around to fixing. A friendship that seems one sided. An encounter that left you a bit unsettled. A financial bust from the past that you seem to not be able to fully get over or recover from. Write them down along with a few words on how they make you feel and why. Keep doing this daily, and soon you will see a pattern. Which things keep occurring the most? And there you go, you have a target. Basically, that target is the trash bin outside, where you dump the trash from your apartment in. haha. Ok, I guess that makes it seem simple. Just kidding. Really, it takes time to get rid of these things (people and memories) that bring you a negative sort of energy that trickles into your sleep cycles and ups your stress levels. The first thing is to realize it, pinpoint it and take action. And most of all, don’t be afraid to let go of the rotten bananas. Love my comparisons?? Don’t worry, that action can be a slow process, just as long as it keeps you moving forward and away from the energy that keeps you down, tossing and turning at night, and over analyzing your every interaction. I mean, come on, look how long it takes for me to remember to take my trash out. Slow and steady. For me, writing helps me clear my mind, put things into perspective and gives me time to myself to reflect on the things that bother me. And it’s funny, as soon as my mind seems more clear and refreshed, my trash keeps getting taken out on time. Then all of a sudden, I go on a purging spree in my home. Out with the things that don’t bring me joy, or that have no meaning or use. The tangible, and the untangible . . . they can be treated in the same way many times. Give it a try, you’ll see what I mean 🙂

So, to stay on topic, I present this all white ensemble featuring my new favorite dress of the season by AG Jeans . . . the white denim dress. Clear mind, clean space, clean dress. 

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