September 19, 2014
A new season is just about upon us. A new season, a new wave of inspiration. No one knows really whether its the weather that’s changing our mindsets, or the other way around. Whatever it is, I always welcome change and a clean slate to start something fresh again. Summer was invigorating, but fall always feels REinvigorating to me. Maybe it’s because fall always marks a new age for me. Growing up. I’ll be 27 this year, and it’s a tad bit scary. Or maybe a whole lot scary. This past year I feel like I’ve grown up so much in such a short amount of time. But at the same time I still feel like I’m just 18. My dreams always seem to get younger and younger with age. Maybe it’s that clock ticking that pushes me to go for something a little bit more wild than I should to make up for the lack of time that I have to fully live while I can as just a semi-adult on her way onto becoming an official adult. Whatever the heck that means. I’ve been regularly reading the diaries of Anais Nin just as much as I am eating raspberry white chocolate as I watch horror television shows on Netflix in my cycling shorts. What does that make me? Well, you know what? Who cares?
Coming to NYC, I’ve dealt with the struggles of a brand new city and a new job that ended up never throughly filling my soul like I thought it would. But as my early months as a New Yorker past, I learned that I had the ability to mold myself around it in a way and jumped at chances that’s made me stronger at my core and so much more appreciative of my creativity. I had my palms read this past year, and my lines said that I was a jumper. I am made to jump around and experience as much as I can so that I can slowly but surely leave behind the shells that I’ve held onto from before. Jobs, boys, luxuries, trust, apartments, lustful moments . . . things like this they come and go. But at the end of the day I have always had and always will have the hope that everything will turn out for the better. A new leaf can be turned. All I know is that I can never settle for the whatever does not feel good to me in the moment. To me, good is being able to feel challenged, self-motivated, loved, in control of my own actions, and in desire to follow my heart. And I feel all these things right now. Not a shabby way to go into my 27th year. Not a shabby way to approach the fall. There’s still so much more I want and need out of life, but I know it’s out there waiting for me. And that’s what keeps me going. Here’s to life and always feeling young at heart. And growing at the pace you were meant to grow at. No rush people. No rush. Age doesn’t have to have boundaries.
When I use words to describe myself, I always think in terms of imagery. Colors, people, smiles, compositions, endless ocean water miles in every direction. Things that make me happy looking at them. Here are a few things that make me happy in this moment. What is making you happy in this moment?