Carolina K blouse Frame raw denim jeans
Vintage belt Sonix sunglasses Doc Martens shoes
This past week was full of rain, working and editing (but not nearly enough writing), a cough that’s still with me today, cold days and warm days, meetings about future projects, aaaaaand zero of sleep. Lots of content creation (pat on the back), but none of it shared on here yet (no pat on the back). Not to mention, I’m jumping on a plane this morning to speak on the Create & Cultivate panel in Fort Lauderdale on Saturday. My nerves are a bit wrecked thinking about speaking in front of an audience . . . I’m a bit shy when it comes to public speaking. . . but my sister and I will be speaking on the same panel, so the moral support is already helping ease the nerves a tad. And then I have a day and a half to get my life together because a vacation in Rio de Janeiro with my man, which I am looking forward to so much you cannot even imagine.
Despite this week being productive, I’m feeling a bit drained and sick. Sleep is my number one priority. And fluids (which my boyfriend keeps reminding me about, all the way from Brazil). Hoping to find more balance soon since fashion week begins basically as soon as I get back from Rio. But I’m sure some South American sun and fun will cure me of my tiredness.
Here is a look from my last California trip that I never got around to posting. It’s crazy how some things just get left behind like that.
H&M wool sweater
Vintage dress (worn underneath)
Vintage leather belt Hat Attack cap Ouigal boots
I love any reason that brings me home. Even when I’m tired to the bone, I can’t help but light up knowing that I have a plane ride to catch back to my sunny Southern California. Well, the days have been more gloomy and rainy than anything else lately, but I don’t mind. Either way, I slip into a special routine here; one that involves much more reading and writing and watching of films. The hours spread out farther and farther apart from each other so that self reflection and building up of the imagination can’t help but be inevitable. I’m happy during simple, easy going days like these. It’s like the year I turned 16, and I dedicated my days to the reading of books. I’d spend hours lying in the hammock in the backyard of our home, with no other care in the world except to escape reality for a little while into the whirlwind plot of the novel resting against my legs.
In this moment, I wish that I could freeze in time those rainy, lazy days that I experienced during my holiday break last month. I wish I could let them linger until I get antsy to get back to regular programming again. California feels different went it rains and you start to forget what tone of blue that the sky usually is. The palm trees look cleaner and almost sparkling against the grey backdrop. Out of place in an interesting way that makes you look twice. Paces slow down to something that can be described as beautifully melancholy, and everyone prefers to take on the life of a homebody. California on a rainy day makes me nostalgic. And it makes me more emotional, that’s for sure. Over stupid little things even. Missing my boyfriend seems a bit more tough sometimes. Figuring out a plan for my life as I near 30, a bit too intimidating. All these thoughts and feelings, spilling over inside of me, like the rain drops that gather in hidden nooks. It seems there’s more and more reasons to cry about things, both happy or sad. And being the extroverted introvert that I am, I am constantly being pulled between spilling my heart out to everyone I call a best friend and keeping all my secrets to myself . . . that is, until I am able to fully explain my thoughts out in words. Pen to paper (or fingertips to computer screen) is how I’ve always felt that I expressed myself the best. But when I was younger, I always wished the opposite . . that I could be the one kid in class who had the nerve to be the first to raise her hand in class and answer all the questions. Instead, I preferred to keep all my answers in a notebook for my teacher to read later. But as I get older, I take pride in the fact that I can write. Not that I’m really any that great at it. If I was, maybe I would have written a novel or two by now. No, I take pride in embracing what comes most natural to me. To stand up for it and not keep it hidden, no matter what the judgment of others is.
Thank you rainy California days for giving me the comforts of home, and slowing me down so I can keep a rhythm with my words in tune with the sound of the raindrops that are so unexpected out of your skies. You are keeping this girl in her vintage dress and nubby sweater as sane as one can be in the midst of a January that seems to be slipping away far too fast.
My baby sister, Natalie. I feel lucky I get to travel with her. Even though we argue, annoy each other and pick on each other from time to time, I know that we laugh, love and support each other more than anything else. At the end of the day I know that I can’t do without her. My little babe.
I remember back when we were little girls, I hated when our mom would dress us up in the same outfits. I was a child desperate for her independence, and that went all the way down to the color of my shoe ties. Flash forward to the present day, and here we are, Natalie and I, wearing the same Carolina K dress in different colors, but purposefully. Oh man can things change over time. It goes to show that maturity really is a thing that can fully come to fruition. I’m sure mama is proud 🙂
Love you Nat Nat 🙂 Photos taken in Carmel, California one peaceful morning. xx
These past week has just flown by like no other! I’m surprised that I’m still in one piece at this point! My late nights catching up on work turned into mornings far too quickly. Maybe it’s the jet lag, but come one . . . the difference between Los Angeles and NYC isn’t thaaaaaat much. I came back from a lazy west coast life without a chance to ease into the NYC grind once again, and the deadlines are overwhelming me just a bit. The days just don’t seem long enough. And it’s only been a week, and already I feel like I need a vacation. But then again I’m heading back to Los Angeles for most of next week for work, and well, the coordinating of my life has been quite hectic. I’m always trying to fuel my creativity, read things and watch things and do things that make me feel inspired so I can keep creating the type of content that inspires others, see my friends, talk to my family back home . . . and then all of a sudden, I stop and think woah, it’s past midnight. The relaxed vibes one supposedly gets after a visit from Cali went straight out the window as soon as I landed back in NYC. Not too hard to imagine for those who live in this city and understand its pace. My to-do list for this year (not to mention this month) is insane, and I’m working on editing it down to something at least semi-reasonable. So it makes me start to ponder all sorts of different things . . . sometimes jumping out a window (just kidding), or jumping off this cliff featured in these photos (kidding once again), just curling up into a black hole over the weekend and not returning the calls of any of my friends, or just giving into my frustrations and giving up (but no, I would actually never do that).
So here’s the question I know we all are asking. How do we keep our cool when work seems to never end? This question in particular is a very hard one for a blogger to answer because for us, work and real life overlap a ton. It’s inescapable, that feeling of 24/7 being on duty. In a way, for us, life itself is the focus of our work. Or at least the creating of a perspective of life, if that makes more sense. Sometimes I ask myself, where should the line be drawn? But it’s hard sometimes to even draw a line because I enjoy what I do so much. Taking photos of things in my own personal life; I feel the need to share them with others because of the beautiful feeling they give me. Sharing my outfits on the internet started as a hobby to help me feel more inspired with the way I dress. Although it is now a job that I fully support myself with, in a way it still it feels like a hobby. But when things start piling up, and every detail is overanalyzed, everything has the potential to feel a bit too much like work. And that’s when the magic is lost. I want to share things that I am passionate about and that will inspire others. But at the same time, there come opportunities where it feels more like a business deal, and being organic can be a struggle. But that just means being more creative. I’ve come to learn that there are some sacrifices one must make to support a business. Now I see it as less of a struggle, and more of a challenge. It’s hard striking a balance, that’s for sure. Some days I wish social media was totally on my back burner, and then there are some days I can go go go, post post post. Energies fluctuate, and especially so with those who share things online. It’s because what we do can be so personal. And I think that that exactly is the answer to the question. To know where to draw the line when the division between digital and IRL become too blurry. To stand back to gain a little more perspective on the bigger picture of the life that isn’t always in front of the lens.
Let this post serve as a reminder to focus on what is right there in front of you as much as I can, even when the digital screen can be a tempting distraction. The last thing you want is your life to turn into Episode 1, Season 3 of Black Mirror (watch it on Netflix, it’s super relatable to today’s digital age world!!!). I felt it paralleled so much of reality, especially for someone like me. As a blogger, it’s hard to not let things like numbers, likes, comments, and comparisons affect me. I fall into the gimic of it every once in a while. It’s inevitable. It doesn’t always make me feel like the best person, and so I place my focus elsewhere. Onto things and people who made me get into this from the get go. I have found that the best way for me to express myself most truly on this digital space is to live things fully in the real world. To give you all something more than just a pretty picture. To tell better, heartfelt stories. And that is my goal for 2017, to get better at telling stories that you want to listen to. My boyfriend actually is inspiring me to do that. Let’s see how that goes . . .