Browsing Tag

Writing

Girl on a Rainy Day

January 17, 2017


___

H&M wool sweater
Vintage dress (worn underneath)
Vintage leather belt
Hat Attack cap
Ouigal boots
___

I love any reason that brings me home. Even when I’m tired to the bone, I can’t help but light up knowing that I have a plane ride to catch back to my sunny Southern California. Well, the days have been more gloomy and rainy than anything else lately, but I don’t mind. Either way, I slip into a special routine here; one that involves much more reading and writing and watching of films. The hours spread out farther and farther apart from each other so that self reflection and building up of the imagination can’t help but be inevitable. I’m happy during simple, easy going days like these. It’s like the year I turned 16, and I dedicated my days to the reading of books. I’d spend hours lying in the hammock in the backyard of our home, with no other care in the world except to escape reality for a little while into the whirlwind plot of the novel resting against my legs.

In this moment, I wish that I could freeze in time those rainy, lazy days that I experienced during my holiday break last month. I wish I could let them linger until I get antsy to get back to regular programming again. California feels different went it rains and you start to forget what tone of blue that the sky usually is. The palm trees look cleaner and almost sparkling against the grey backdrop. Out of place in an interesting way that makes you look twice. Paces slow down to something that can be described as beautifully melancholy, and everyone prefers to take on the life of a homebody. California on a rainy day makes me nostalgic. And it makes me more emotional, that’s for sure. Over stupid little things even. Missing my boyfriend seems a bit more tough sometimes. Figuring out a plan for my life as I near 30, a bit too intimidating. All these thoughts and feelings, spilling over inside of me, like the rain drops that gather in hidden nooks. It seems there’s more and more reasons to cry about things, both happy or sad. And being the extroverted introvert that I am, I am constantly being pulled between spilling my heart out to everyone I call a best friend and keeping all my secrets to myself . . . that is, until I am able to fully explain my thoughts out in words. Pen to paper (or fingertips to computer screen) is how I’ve always felt that I expressed myself the best. But when I was younger, I always wished the opposite . .  that I could be the one kid in class who had the nerve to be the first to raise her hand in class and answer all the questions. Instead, I preferred to keep all my answers in a notebook for my teacher to read later. But as I get older, I take pride in the fact that I can write. Not that I’m really any that great at it. If I was, maybe I would have written a novel or two by now. No, I take pride in embracing what comes most natural to me. To stand up for it and not keep it hidden, no matter what the judgment of others is. 

Thank you rainy California days for giving me the comforts of home, and slowing me down so I can keep a rhythm with my words in tune with the sound of the raindrops that are so unexpected out of your skies. You are keeping this girl in her vintage dress and nubby sweater as sane as one can be in the midst of a January that seems to be slipping away far too fast. 

12 comments
, , , ,

Stop Dragon My Heart Around

January 6, 2017

___

Suburban Riot jacket
525 America
 sweater
Kenzo pants
Vintage purse
___

“Stop Dragon My Heart Around.” True that. As one who is approaching her 30’s (cringe!!!), this creative twist on a saying hits home hard. I’m haven’t gotten my dirty thirty juuuust yet, but I can say that I have in fact survived my 20’s. And let me tell you, that ride through one’s twenties (I’m sure many of you have already found this out), is far from smooth sailing. Being in your twenties is supposed to be a whole lot of your heart being dragged around, and my jacket is fully putting it out there that I no longer want or need those experiences. The best thing about maturing as an adult, is finding where to cut the crap. Getting rid of the insignificant fat (and that goes for the diet, too). Saying bye bye to the stuff that always looked down on you when you already felt small. 

Those bumps. Those bad boyfriends. The back stabbing friends. The frustrating bosses and the horrifying co-workers born to make your life feel below miserable. The apartment that never stops leaking. And the roommate who never gives you space. The endless feeling of being lost and insignificant and unrooted and just never, ever good enough. We can officially throw these things and these emotions all into the armful of things that come with the twenties territory. But these things. These people. Those unconfident thoughts that eat away at us. They all take a back bone to really, truly be pushed away. And that’s what our twenties are for. For feeling hurt. For feeling screwed. For feeling like the last kid chosen at a stupid game of ball. And then getting back up again knowing that we don’t need to take any of that anymore, as long as we believe in that and stand for that. Yes, most likely the same falls can and will be repeated more than once, twice, three times, but that’s okay. We’re cushiony. We bounce back. The scabs look a bit icky, but they just make us tougher. And what I finally realized, as I approached my later twenties . . . the one thing that got me so exhausted and tired . . . was the fact that all I wanted was to stop being dragged around. By people who thought they knew me but actually didn’t. By people who sought to judge too quick. By people who don’t understand or try to understand how a two-sided friendship works. By people who never tried to really dig beneath the surface. By men who kept me hanging and diminished my self worth. By people and things that felt empty. By my own thoughts that caused me to second guessed myself. Those moments are always the worst. Being one’s own enemy can at times be the easiest thing to do as a twenty year old. That I see very clear right now. And it took time to learn to do exactly the opposite. 

The best thing that I realized in my late twenties, was that it is impossible to make everybody happy. And that no one else can determine your happiness. And that when I stopped trying to only please others all the time, I felt a weight off my shoulder. I felt less dragged around. Instead, I felt more confident and aware. And my heart felt safer and smarter, and in need of being surrounded by those who were genuine. Here’s to 2017. And here’s to getting older. Here’s to no longer being dragged (dragonned) around. And here’s to finally just starting to get the hang of this thing called life. 

12 comments
, , , , ,

The Closest I’ll Get To Hawaii Right Now

December 26, 2016

___

Pale Swimwear suit
Shona Joy Swim cover up
___

A few more days lie ahead of us before the new year arrives. A whole week of nothing pressing on my to-do list. I can edit photos all week in my pajamas, and no one will ever need to know. Netflix shows are binge washed, and getting ahead of myself with work is put on the back burner. Little pangs inside of me wish I came up with the idea earlier of heading to Mexico or Hawaii for this week with my family. But then I realize how good it feels to not have an itinerary. That maybe the ultimate destination is right here, on this couch that I’m sitting on, my mom cooking pancakes in the background, and the television playing George  Michael song while I contemplate the moment for what it is. A moment that needs no changing. It can take a lot of guts to be content with your surroundings. To realize that sometimes you don’t need the extra trimmings, the extra space, the comforts that we rely too much on. That something simple is everything you needed all along. That editing and looking at these pictures from Miami from a few weeks ago is the closest thing I’ll be getting to a Mexico or Hawaii vacation this month, and be totally okay with that fact. 

13 comments
, , , , , , ,

Flash Velvet

December 13, 2016

max-mara-velvet-4

___

Max Mara velvet top
Free People bra
B Collection by Bobeau palazzo pants
Miista boots
Jay Nicole Jewelry lace choker
___

Hello from my bedroom nook. In the wintertime, this space is my safe heaven. More often than not nowadays, the lights are turned off with just my desk lamp lit and candles glowing all around. Or I’m working from my vintage chair pretending with my feet propped up, taking in the heat from the heater right next to me. This environment helps me feel inspired. I can sit at my desk for hours, typing out endless lists of things I want to do and accomplish and write about. Places I want to see. Music I want to listen to more. Feelings I want to express that need a little more motivation. Leonard Cohen is on repeat because it reminds me of my boyfriend, and looking deeper at the lyrics make me feel really good, just like he does. And sometimes when I sit at my desk, and all these ideas and feelings run through me, I have the urge to get up and go out and just DO SOMETHING. Throwing all the over analyzations out of the window. To jump at the first idea and let it take me someplace new. TO THINK LESS. TO DO MORE. It’s a feeling of spontaneity that I sometimes feel like I don’t take advantage of as often as I should. To maybe pay more attention to my restlessness when it comes and let my feet guide me blindfolded. Literally, gone with the wind. To write down a word, and bring that word to life in any way that I can as soon as it hits the paper. Right in this moment without over thinking. To jump on an airplane and forget about the yesterday and not think too much about the tomorrow. To figure it out when I get to where I get to, wherever that place may be. How free does that feel? To be like the girls in the pictures that I tape up on my wall that inspire my inner whimsies that take place outside of my bedroom nook. To live like the cover of a Beatles album, somewhat like a kaleidoscope life that is always changing. Always moving. Never exactly the same in any various second. Maybe this is my goal for 2017. To be more spontaneous. To think less. To do more. To never second guess the act of taking a chance on a whim. To be every color there is all in one second. To go and do it in a flash before anything changes my mind. Because why the heck not?!

Shop more Miista boots I love:

max-mara-velvet-5

max-mara-velvet-9

max-mara-velvet-10

max-mara-velvet-6

max-mara-velvet-2

max-mara-velvet-11

max-mara-velvet-12

max-mara-velvet-7

max-mara-velvet-8

16 comments
, , , ,
Load More...