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Writing

Up Close and Personal

October 18, 2020

I started reading a lot in Brazil and finished The Vegetarian by Han Kang and now I’m going to start Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay by Elena Ferrante, the third in a series. I feel like I gained back focus with this last read that left me questioning so much about mental health and the cultural differences in approaching it specifically amongst women. This was a focus that was lost to too much screen time. Getting back to my old reading rituals is one part of my wellness goal for the days to come. Every time I take something a away from a book I’m reading, I find somehow to learn something more about myself and my own view on the world. That’s my favorite thing about getting lost in a story. It’s seeing bits of myself reflected in it. It’s like taking little steps towards being more and more up close and personal with myself. 

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October Light

October 18, 2020

Jacquemus dress

October feels emotional in every direction. I always find myself more inward feeling this time of the year in the weeks after my birthday. Each time, the need for something simpler continues to grow, but at the same time everything can’t help but feel so complex. This back and forth pushes me to never stop finding ways to express both this calm and this madness in the best way that I can, and that changes everyday. Today, I am stunned and calmed by early October light. 

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A Love Story

October 18, 2020

Hope Stockholm suits
Genevieve Rose Atelier headpiece

Just for fun, Gabi and I recreated a matchy matchy wedding day look, and a reason to highlight this gorgeous bridal headpiece by Genevieve Rose Atelier. I love a bride in a suit, and who said it had to be white?  A lot of you guys have been asking how Gabi and I met, so here you go. We met here in NYC in March of 2016 on a dating app (Happn. Apparently, people still use this app?!). We “crossed paths” in Soho, and I was just about over the idea of ever finding love in the city, when I decided to give this handsome man a chance. Gabi was a little over a month into city life after arriving from his native Brazil. I knew from the start that being with him gave me a special feeling that at the time I could never fully describe. A deep in the gut feeling. But still we took things slow and steady . . . an organic pace. I was so attracted to his creativity, open mindedness and understanding of the world. I never met anyone else before like my Gabi. Before we knew it, we were together. I went to visit him and his family in Brazil 7 months later, and we did a few stints of long distance speckled throughout the next two years, which was hard at times but not the most terrible thing in the world because we never doubted that we should be together. He was back and forth regularly between Brazil and NYC, and we met in Rio, in Nicaragua . . . we did whatever it took to make it work. Looking back, I really did feel the distance at that time brought us even closer and made every time we were together even more spectacular. We got hitched spur of the moment in June of 2018 at the Brooklyn City Clerk’s Office. It was a super simple, small and no fuss wedding, which was exactly how we wanted it. And here we are! Every relationship has its own path, and I feel so lucky for the one that we had and are continuing to have.

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A Dramatic Interpretation

August 14, 2020

Here is a very dramatic interpretation of a hot and humid summer day in the city. The only thing left to do this day was find some shade and roll around in it because it was too hot to do anything else. Not that wearing gloves during this time of the year makes any sense, but what makes any sense at all these days anyways, huh? Nothing has truly made sense since March. Last February, I never thought the world would be where it is now. 2020 started off as a positive extension of 2019, which felt like a successful, productive, happy and loving year, and I only expected 2020 to be that but even more. But looking back now, there was a lot more about 2019 that I can only see now. It was fast-paced but exhausting. As soon as I stopped doing one thing, I started doing something new without a breathe before diving into it. It wasn’t until I started breathing in-between steps today, that I can look book and notice where I didn’t before. And this has brought me to realize so much more about myself that maybe I never would have had before if the world didn’t face a crisis. Deep down inside I have a pang that everything happens for some sort of reason. Or at least, I am trying to find my own meaning of it all to help me navigate the empty space that seems to endlessly lie in front of me. Trying to find something tangible. This grass below me that I am lying on? I felt its tangibility in the moment, it’s living and breathing realness, and that was all that I allowed to matter to me then and there . That feeling is what I painted on my empty space of white paper that was filling up my head. I will continue to sense out these tangibilities that I face and bring them to life internally, externally, and in any way that I can because it is helping me feel hopeful. 2020 has been full of unpredictable drama that has left me speechless sometimes, but where other times I am left with all the words in the world. The days I have words to express, are the days I find healing. 

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