Let’s flash back to September 2022 to my first time in Portugal.

I want to incorporate more from our travels on here since these trips we have taken are so special to me. And I thought why not start with Portugal, where I got to spend my 35th birthday with my loved ones last September. This trip took a few months to plan. I’ve thought about Portugal for about a year, as I never had the chance to explore the more Mediterranean parts of Europe. And after a few years of no international travel, and after watching quite a few international films, I felt that our first trip post-pandemic had to be back in Europe. It started with our dad hearing about Lisbon on the radio, and then the research began and things really got set in stone when I found the most perfect Airbnb in the heart of Alfama as we wanted to be conveniently location to be able to walk mostly everywhere. I didn’t know that much about Portugal other than what I’ve seen in beautiful photos of the city and ocean side towns, and hearing about the food and how cheap eating and drinking was, not to mention the impeccable weather everyone raved about. It was decided. Portugal was the ultimate destination to explore as a first-timer and with a larger group. It was nice that Gabi, bring Brazilian, spoke Portuguese, even though there are a lot of differences between Brazilian Portuguese and European Portuguese. I’ve grown to love history so much more in the recent years, and this connection though was reason enough to want to dive into Portugal.

So many memorable moments from Lisbon where we start the first 5 days of our trip. A cup of coffee on the balcony of our Airbnb on a Friday morning. I still think about how perfect the location was. The apartment overlooked one of the main streets where the iconic 28 tram rides down into Alfama. We mostly walked this trip, but we wanted to take at least one tram ride for the experience and found ourselves delightfully on what felt like a bumpy roller coaster ride at Six Flags Magic Mountain. Highly recommend the experience even though it felt a little dangerous at some points hehe. We had dinner at a place we stumbled upon called Altar ended up being so amazing. Gabi and I decided to try something super traditional, the codfish bread soup, and they do a really delicious sardine dish which is super Portuguese. I never thought I wanted to eat sardines before this trip. And cod is everywhere here and it would be a shame not to try it. A walk through Praça do Comércio to feel closest to the water while still in the city. Here you can turn around in all direction can feel like the center of it all in Lisbon. And as you walk into Lisbon from here you get to see the city from below, which is such an amazing contrast from seeing it from above. Popping in and out of the quiet mom and pop restaurants in Alfama was my favorite part of the trip. We really had no plans at all when it came to where we ate and decided day of or just by walking by and see what caught our attentions. This is my favorite way to travel. A bottle of Sagres was our go-to for cooling down after sweaty walks. Even at the end if September it felt like full blown summer here. Apparently the weather is still as gorgeous even in November, which gives me ideas to come back later in fall for our next trip. The view from Miradouro dos Barros and well, basically all of the viewpoints, like from Miradouros de São Pedro de Alcântara, whisked us away to another universe. I would just stand there and think to myself, wow I am in this city I see before me. How is this real? I wonder if the locals get this feeling as well as they stroll the streets running their daily errands. I hope so. Our legs were put to work in Lisbon with all the uphill walking but the feeling of tiredness didn’t weigh us down. I think we were too excited to let that happen. There became a point during our trip that we actually started to crave the feeling if you can believe that. This city just makes you crave exploring it by foot.

Cascais, just about 35-40 minutes drive along the coast outside of Lisbon, was where we spend the second half of our trip. It had one of the most beautiful landscapes I have ever had the chance to lay eyes on. Full of blue skies, rock formations and hills. Nature in all of its glories was showcased in this place. For me, just to be able to have the chance to see this kind of nature that we saw in Cascais is enough to fill me up and satisfy me. Enough to look forward to the next day to find out what other things I can take in and store in my mind. We walked all along from Estoril to Cascais and we didn’t let the hills slow us down. Seafood is prevalent especially in this area, so make sure you get your fill if you ever come to Portugal and especially Cascais. I could have a grilled Branzino and a side of fries every single day if I could have them like how they made them in Cascais. Little pleasures like this made this town so easy to explore. And even better when you make it around a few of the more touristy parts as Cascais does have a historical center. But for me, at least, the tourists don’t bother me. Because if you think about it all on the bright side, we are all here for the same reasons and we cannot get mad about that. But if you ever get a bit overwhelmed with some of the more crowded areas, I always recommend taking a walk to the more residential areas away from the water. We made our way to a local pharmacy to pick up a few things and made a little sightseeing adventure out of our stroll. You can see where the locals have their coffees peacefully under the shade. You can notice the way people decorate their front yards. You get a sense of the normal, everyday pace for those who actually call this their home. It felt really nice.

I was so happy to be able to be in a beautiful new country like Portugal with my family. For the past 3 years I’ve been able to visit beautiful places for my birthday, so I hope I can continue to make this as a tradition.

Vest and pants by Mango

Bag by Isabel Marant

One topic I really want to dig deeper into on here is my relationship journey with my own body. I am in a healthy place with my body today, but I haven’t always had a healthy relationship with my body & with food. As many of you know, I was born with scoliosis, a curvature of the spine, & since childhood it has been something that made me ashamed of my body for what I thought wasn’t “normal”. In fact, I hated it. I remember the day I wore my back brace to PE in elementary school for the first time and a classmate felt my brace underneath my clothing and I was sooooo ashamed. I actually never wore my brace to school again after that.

At the age of 15 I was diagnosed with anorexia, and it was the lowest point of my life. I remember quite clearly my way of thinking and my habits back then, and how my family was very much affected by them. And I remember it started after I got back from a trip to visit modeling agencies in NYC, and being very harshly denied. It affected me quite deeply, and I remember crying so hard on that trip, looking in the mirror seeing only something ugly and I said I never wanted to go back to NYC again. Looking back, without a doubt this experience mixed with internal issues stemming from my own self inflicted body negativity and the general pressure to fit into a perfect mold as a female in all aspects of life added up and controlled me, even though I thought I was the one in control. I became a perfectionist to the max. Everything around me had to feel in my control. I counted absolutely everything, down to the smallest bit of food on my plate to the number of sit ups or laps across the pool I did. It was mentally and physically exhausting but I thrived off of this control. I remembered my skin was so dry. My joints started to hurt. And I would easily become short of breath. My mom cried countless times over me. I was not even 16 yet.

I think the lack of control I had over my spinal situation mixed with my lower self esteem, the unease over the transition into adulthood, and not to mention the magazines that showed me what I thought I should look like were what drove me to dramatically seek control. Food was so easy for me to control at the time. Every pound lost was a checkmark. And to think, this was far before I started using Instagram and all these sorts of apps. It makes me think about what the young girls today must be going through. As women, we are being bombarded with images of perfection and a total and complete bullshit hierarchy system of what is deemed beautiful dictated for us by a close-minded society. Even today, I still face these sorts of insecurities, but l’ve learned to be stronger than them because I can never forget what it was like to be at the very bottom of it and it is not worth it to ever put myself through that again.

I could go even deeper into my experience now, but I just want to make the point that most of the time, as women, it is never an easy path for us to come to love ourselves and to grow into women who feel strong, confident and empowered in our own bodies in a way that is healthy, happy and soul feeding. I feel like after an experience like this, one is always in a continuous process of healing, but I’m happy to say that where I am now physically and mentally is exactly where I want and need to be. I have learned so much about the relationship I have with my body and why I must treat it so well, and why I want to be an advocate for body empowerment especially amongst women.

This scar on my back, a result of my scoliosis surgery at 18, represents a long time of healing; the closure of a fight to free myself from the control I pressured myself to have over my body. Without my scoliosis, what actually began as something that made me hate parts of myself came to be what saved me … what showed me why it was so important to stay strong and treat my body like a temple because my life depended on it. I feel strong today, but it sure took a fight to get to this place, but it was worth it. I want to share more about my experience of recovery here to hopefully help others who may need to hear it.

Didn’t have the brain capacity to post on International Women’s Day as I was stuck for hours on an idling plane in Dallas, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate all the women in my life. I appreciate how many different kinds of strengths, personalities, goals and perspectives I get to see in action every day. How we all have our unique talents and unique insecurities and unique ways of how we all go through life. Seeing this is the most miraculous thing. The pressure our society puts on us women to mold us is a heavy thing. I feel it everyday in my industry, outside my industry, within family, from strangers on the street, in the media. Even from other women. Sometimes I just feel like exploding with the amount of things I feel like I have to do to feel worthy of just BEING never ends when all I really want is to be content RIGHT NOW. Especially when it comes to decisions on my body. We all have the right to live our lives without judgment and to feel safe both physically and mentally. I know I have it much easier with the privilege of access and support that I have in life and that many of the women I know personally have, but then I also know that standing up and bending over backwards for all women is critical. Because what is mine is also OURS. Even if it’s just these thoughts today to remind you too look in the mirror and really SEE every part of what you are; the most barest parts, the parts you adore, the parts you are most sensitive about, the parts others make you feel low about, the parts of yourself that YOU decide to change with the intention to better serve yourself so you can better serve the world in your own small but significant way. We are no perfect beings, but we who identify as women deserve the respect to call our own shots. Love you all!