Here is a very dramatic interpretation of a hot and humid summer day in the city. The only thing left to do this day was find some shade and roll around in it because it was too hot to do anything else. Not that wearing gloves during this time of the year makes any sense, but what makes any sense at all these days anyways, huh? Nothing has truly made sense since March. Last February, I never thought the world would be where it is now. 2020 started off as a positive extension of 2019, which felt like a successful, productive, happy and loving year, and I only expected 2020 to be that but even more. But looking back now, there was a lot more about 2019 that I can only see now. It was fast-paced but exhausting. As soon as I stopped doing one thing, I started doing something new without a breathe before diving into it. It wasn’t until I started breathing in-between steps today, that I can look book and notice where I didn’t before. And this has brought me to realize so much more about myself that maybe I never would have had before if the world didn’t face a crisis. Deep down inside I have a pang that everything happens for some sort of reason. Or at least, I am trying to find my own meaning of it all to help me navigate the empty space that seems to endlessly lie in front of me. Trying to find something tangible. This grass below me that I am lying on? I felt its tangibility in the moment, it’s living and breathing realness, and that was all that I allowed to matter to me then and there . That feeling is what I painted on my empty space of white paper that was filling up my head. I will continue to sense out these tangibilities that I face and bring them to life internally, externally, and in any way that I can because it is helping me feel hopeful. 2020 has been full of unpredictable drama that has left me speechless sometimes, but where other times I am left with all the words in the world. The days I have words to express, are the days I find healing. 

Aje suit
Mr. Larkin skirt
Reike Nen sandals

The scar down my spine is such a deep part of me. A puzzle of titanium rods and metal screws holding my upper spine into proper alignment. A representation of years of body consciousness that transformed from one of negativity to one of positive embracement. It’s a part of me that sometimes I forget is even there, until I’m inhibited from moving in a certain way, or I catch a glimpse of it in the mirror when I’m wearing a backless dress in the summertime. But these things don’t bother me or give me pangs of unsatisfaction anymore like they once had before. And that growth from there to here is one of my greatest strengths within myself. Imperfection is beauty. Don’t ever forget.

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