I didn’t make resolutions this year, as per usual, but I did have the urge to write more this year, since I feel like I fell off the routine of putting down my thoughts into tangles of sentences, and it has left a part of me feeling unfulfilled. I’ve been craving words, especially the ones that don’t really make a lot of sense. Most things we feel make absolutely no sense and since I’ve been trying harder to not force myself to make sense of every aspect of my life as to not stress myself out, these nonsensical feelings feel like a comfort to me. Weird I know, but true.

So I thought to myself, maybe I just need a new platform that will help me put this urge into action. I do share my writing on Instagram here and there when the feeling comes over me, but it isn’t as consistent as it used to be. I started following a few Substacks by fellow content creators and I felt moved by their desire to share their intimate and personal experiences on a public platform that doesn’t rely on perfectly filtered selfies that only show our best angles or beautifully colored inspiration pictures that relentlessly give us FOMO. For some reason, in-depth essays feel scarier than a caption on Instagram. But at the same time, this reason is the push that I need. Anyways, I contemplated the platform Substack, but since my website has been here for years, I don’t want to give it up and keep it as a space where I can write without a set purpose in mind except to feel good, to feel relief, to feel nostalgic, to feel excited, to feel like I’m not forgetting to breathe. And hopefully this new routine can help myself navigate some parts of my life that sometimes I feel like my job as a content creator doesn’t leave me much time for. And in turn, I hope I can at least in some way help others who happen to stumble here find a place where they can form a connection or take something away positively.

I thought I’d take my first set of words of the year that was originally posted on Instagram here. Maybe because I’m lazy, maybe because I feel like re-reading what I’ve written, maybe because I want to see if my perspective has changed since this post. I don’t know why, but it feels like those thoughts I had at the beginning of the year need a place here to kick things off . . .

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What a year full of soul serving changes. Instead of writing out my resolutions for next year, I’m still continuing to think about the intentional challenges that I set in action this past year to free myself from some the aspects of my life that I felt didn’t serve my soul the way it should. Because of my job and the way our society is set up, a lot of my sense of self worth and value as a young adult came from my career … how much I worked, how much money I made and saved, and how much I am putting myself out there, doing and showcasing on social media. And while it has taken me the past few years to start letting go of the parts of this mindset that didn’t lift me up, it really wasn’t until this past year that I felt much more balance and harmony with the path I have chosen for my life. I made a very strong decision to not sacrifice my mental health, stamina and boundaries to feel worthy in any sense. To not overexert and give too much of myself without reason. To not allow my career to drown out my personal passions or turn me into a content robot. To not allow my happiness to be defined by numbers. To come to terms with the fact that I cannot do it all and, well, why should I? To continue to get close to what gives me honest meaning and inspiration.

To be honest, I don’t know exactly what my 5 year or 10 year plan is, heck I don’t know what the next two years hold as Gabi and I are considering the possibility of moving to a new city or living in between two cities we love. There is a lot of freedom in this feeling of not knowing right in this moment what is next, where say 6 years ago that idea of not knowing was the scariest sort of thing. In a way, getting to this point in my life has been the lifelong resolution I didn’t know that I needed so much.

This past year we celebrated so much. Gabi got his green card and we dedicated time to much more intentional travel, I worked on many amazing projects that didn’t stifle my creativity or give me an overwhelming amount of long term stress, I got to see my family a lot and continue to work with my sister, my Portuguese has approved even if just by a little, and I feel like I’ve become so much more in tune with what is happening all over the world than ever before. These are just a few of the things. Experiences like this really can shape you in even a short amount of time. I’m so grateful for these experiences and for what every year before has given me. Happy New Year, and what Gabi and I said last night after the ball fell in Time’s Square … “Happy new hour, happy new minute, happy new second, happy new millisecond.” Thanks for letting me share some personal thoughts with you.